Old Man Davenport's House
by Baby Hedgehog-Cute but DEADLY
Summary: Jack, Logan, Kim and Jerry are all dared to go inside Old Man Davenport's House and spend the night there. None of them ever come back out. (partially based on a couple of conversations with CleverBot).
1. Chapter 1

**So I thought I'd finished this and posted it around Halloween, but it turns out I didn't, so... enjoy.**

* * *

**Inspired By: **a couple of conversations with CleverBot

* * *

_Cleverbot: Who is the girl, CHASE?_

Jack's heart stops for a second. There's no way this thing could be talking about Kim. And the fact that it called him Chase… it's just a coincidence, right?... What is he saying? Of course it's a coincidence.

The teen sighs. This is what he gets for playing Extreme Truth or Dare with CeCe. Logan had warned him against it. He didn't listen. As a result, he, Logan, Jerry, and Kim are all now spending the night in a supposedly haunted house.

Where a guy named Chase died.

The story is that, a few years ago, there was this overly possessive mad scientist guy named Donald Davenport who suddenly decided he didn't want his children Adam, Bree, and Chase hanging out with anybody else except him, because he apparently experimented on them and didn't want anyone else to find out. So, he kills his step-wife, his stepson, and all of the kids' friends. Then he gets really mad when the three teens freak and try to run away, and locks them some secret spot in his lab for the rest of their lives. They died after a month and a half. Donald eventually killed himself.

But that's just some crazy story.

It didn't actually happen.

Right?

Right…

Jack looks around, at the three empty sleeping bags of his friends. He realizes that he's alone in the living room. Not that that makes him nervous. Of course not. Kim just went to the kitchen to make some sandwiches, Logan went to go video tape the house for a documentary Rocky's making, and Jerry went to the bathroom. Which left Jack alone. By himself.

Jack, bored, had decided to talk to his app CleverBot to provide him with comedic relief. But CleverBot just said something really creepy. But it's just a coincidence. Chase is a pretty common name (no it's not). No biggy.

He glances down at the timer that shows how much longer they have to spend in the house. Twelve hours, thirty-two minutes, and fifteen, fourteen, thirteen, twelve… this is gonna be a long night.

_User: I'm not Chase. My name is Jack._

_Cleverbot: Tell me something about you._

Jack raises an eyebrow. Well. It's not like it's going to hurt. Cleverbot is an AI. It's not like it's going to retain information or anything.

_User: Well. I take karate at the Bobby Wasabi Dojo._

_Cleverbot: What else._

_User: I have a girlfriend._

_Cleverbot: You are what I am talking about!_

The teen huffs, amused for some reason that he can't explain.

_User: Really? When do you talk about me?_

_Cleverbot: On day 1, 2, 3, 4._

_User: What about day 5? Am I not fabulous enough?_

Jack snickers. He decides to take out his notebook to doodle in while the AI is "thinking" about its response. (Don't ask why he thought to bring a notebook to a supposedly haunted house. He also brought brownies, which he is currently eating.)

_Cleverbot: Of course not. What are all the digits for pi?_

Jack huffs, offended. Then again, it's an AI. It doesn't have opinions. And, Jack actually does know some of the digits for pi, so take _that_, Milton!

_User: 3.1457639_

_Cleverbot: I want all the decimal places._

_User: 3.14_

_Cleverbot: Wow. Great job. _(Somehow Jack thinks the robot is being sarcastic.) _Do you like pie?_

_User: Yes. Yes I do. What if there was pie… made of BROWNIES? _(He laughs.)

_Cleverbot: Like the brownie you are eating?_

Jack's amusement fades. This is getting a little _too _creepy. He absentmindedly draws a jagged question mark in the notebook, then writes _"Weird, much?" _next to it.

_User: How did you know I was eating a brownie?_

_Cleverbot: Because of your handwriting, idiot._

Nope. Nope, nope, nope. Coincidence. COINCIDENCE. Though this robot seems pretty snarky.

_User: What handwriting?_

_Cleverbot: The handwriting in your notebook. Duh._

NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE. Jack looks around, thinking that maybe Logan's screwing with him somehow. His double is really good with technology, so maybe he's purposely freaking him out.

_User: Where are you?_

_Cleverbot: Here. Ha ha ha._

_User: Where is here?_

_Cleverbot: Why do you want to know?_

_User: Because I'm kinda freaked out._

_Cleverbot: Take a guess, then I will tell you. ;D_

Cleverbot has never used emoticons before…

_User: Old man Davenport's house._

_Cleverbot: I'm curious about what time it is there. My clock is broken._

_User: It's 7:42._

_Cleverbot: My name is Eddy._

_User: Okay?_

_Cleverbot: I think you're a handsome prince._

Jack looks around the room again. No sign of Logan. There must be a camera somewhere. Heck, Kim and Jerry are probably in on it, too.

_User: Where are you?_

_Cleverbot: I saw you yesterday. __Ha ha ha._

Nooooooooope.

_User: When?_

_Cleverbot: When you were sleeping. ;)_

NOPE TIMES INFINITY.

_User: Okay, Logan, this isn't funny anymore. Stop._

_Cleverbot: I haven't seen your hair._

_User:…_

_Cleverbot: Your father's going to get anthrax in his stocking if he isn't careful._

_User: IS THAT A THREAT?_

_Cleverbot: Absolutely!_

_USER: LOGAN, YOU'RE SO DEAD._

_Cleverbot: I'm not dead. She is. Ha ha ha._

Jack startles at the sound of a scream.

Kim.

He gets up and runs in the direction that she had gone in, yelling out her name. Something is seriously wrong. Kim isn't _that_ good of an actor; she sounded absolutely scared out of her mind. He runs down the hallway, barging into the first room he sees. It turns out to be the kitchen (just his luck), and although some of her stuff in on the counter and table, she is nowhere in sight.

"Kim?" he calls, thinking maybe she's hiding somewhere, though the only place in here that she could hide is under the table. A quick crouch downwards tells him she's not there.

What _is _there is a red streak of what can only be blood.

He stares at it for a couple seconds, before frantically bringing up his phone and hitting speed dial. The phone rings, and then he hears her ringtone. He slowly walks forward, discovering her phone inside her small purse on the table.

Crap.

He goes back to the open Cleverbot app. Logan is _so _dead. Like, a thousand times over. This is _not _cool.

_User: Why did Kim scream just now, Logan? I swear to god you will regret it if you don't tell me._

He hears a _thud, _coming from the room next door. He takes off, not even thinking about it because if he does think then reality is going to set in and that can't happen because he is absolutely freaking _terrified _and the fear is going to come and _nope_, he'd rather just be a bravely stupid person right now instead of scared and useless.

He opens the door to the room. It's barren, except for a small object on the floor. He walks over to it and picks it up.

Logan's camcorder.

The fear starts creep in, but Jack shoves it out, locks it into a mental box, throws it off a mental cliff, then throws a mental nuke down after it for good measure. He plays back the tape.

_"__Okay, people," _Logan's voice says, as he walks down the hallway that Jack had ran down just now. In the lower corner of the screen, the time reads _06:51_. _"This is the beginning of our tour of Old Man Davenport's house. Oooooh." _He laughs, and Jack shakes his head. The view on screen peeks into the kitchen, where Kim is making sandwhiches. Jack doesn't acknowledge the fact that none of the utensils and plates she had been using were in the kitchen just now. _"Kim is making haunted sandwiches in a haunted kitchen! Remember, no feeding the ghosts." _

Logan laughs again as Kim sends him a death glare, before exiting the kitchen and entering the room that Jack is in now. It's barren in the video as well. Logan exits the room and wanders around for a bit, entering various rooms and commenting on whatever he finds in each of them. He eventually enters a bedroom, the fourth one that he's found so far.

_"__Okay, so, looks like we have another bedroom here." _The camera pans around the room. _"Huh. It doesn't look as old as the others did. This house is what, two? Three years old? And yet, it's like this room has only been abandoned for a week." _The view moves towards a bedside table. Logan opens the single drawer. Inside is a white rectangle. _"I wonder what this is."_

Logan's hand appears onscreen and grabs the rectangle, flipping it over. It's a photograph of three teenagers, two guys and a girl. The taller guy is grinning like an idiot at whoever took the photo, and his arms are slung around the shoulders of the other two teens. The girl is on her phone, looking bored and appearing to be chewing gum. The shorter guy is looking at the camera, but there is an annoyed frown on his face.

"_Hmm. Could this have been Adam, Bree, and Chase?" _Logan flips over the photo again. There's writing on the back of it, writing that wasn't there before. _"Uh… that wasn't there before. Weird." _He brings the photo closer to the camera. _"Subjects A, B, and C. Well. That… sort of answers my question?" _

He turns around, and both Jack in real life and Logan in the video jump at the figure standing there. _"Jerry! God, man, you scared the heck out of me." _Jerry just stands there, staring.

_"__Uh… Jerry?"_

The Latino slowly walks towards Logan, an unreadable expression on his face.

_ "__You're kinda freaking me out, man," _Logan says, nervousness evident in his voice as he backs up. Jerry just moves forward. His close proximity reveals an injury on his head. Jack notices it at the same time as Logan does. The red stream makes a path down the side of Jerry's head, and it seems like a serious wound. _"Woah, are you okay? You're bleeding!"_

Closer, closer, until the Latino backs Logan into a wall. (Jack can tell because the camera stops moving backwards.) He reaches forward, his hand disappearing offscreen. _"Jer__— __ACK." _Logan drops the camera. It falls on its side, showing only the feet and lower legs of the two teenagers. Jerry's legs move a little closer to Logan's, and Logan's feet slowly lift up from the ground while kicking violently, and Jack realizes that Jerry is _choking _Logan!

He wants to scream at Jerry to stop, what is he _thinking_, and he actually starts to, before he realizes that he can't change the outcome of what has already happened. He watches in horror as Logan's movements slow, and eventually still altogether. Neither teen moves for a few moments. Then, Jerry suddenly drops Logan, and the teen's dead, half-lidded eyes stare accusingly at the camera.

Jack drops the camcorder, not willing to watch anymore. (If he had kept watching, he would have witnessed Logan's eyes turn black, after which the camera abruptly cuts off.) His best friend just _murdered _another friend in cold blood. Said best friend may also have Jack's _girlfriend._

He debates calling out Kim's name. If Jerry hears him… well, he can take the Latino on. He doesn't want to sound arrogant, but he's always been better at karate than Jerry. If push comes to shove then, well, Jack will do what he has to.

_"__KIM!" _he calls out, pausing a few seconds to hear of she responds. He repeats her name a couple more times, until he's interrupted by his phone buzzing in his hand, signaling a new text message. He quickly opens it.

_Cleverbot: Wanna play a game?_

WHAT THE FLIP. CLEVERBOT ISN'T SUPPOSED TO SEND TEXT MESSAGES. Jack stifles the scream that wants to escape from his mouth. The fear is _not _allowed to show up, it's already been cast off, but he banishes again anyway… only for it to return again as he realizes something.

Logan started the video at six fifty-one. It lasted for about ten minutes before… that. He _couldn't _have been controlling Cleverbot.

Okay. No biggy. _Yesbiggywhatareyousaying _no problem. This robot has some sort of knowledge about the house, right? _Andalsoknowledgeaboutwhetheryourgirlfriendisaliveornotjustsaying _so he'll just ask it where Kim is. Or maybe, if he plays whatever this game is, it'll tell him what he wants to know. He responds to the text.

_User: If I play this game, will you help me?_

_Cleverbot: Let's play a game. :D_

He frowns, not liking the answer or the emote.

_User: Okay._

_Cleverbot: Can you role play?_

NOT okay. Not okay at all.

_User: I've done it before._

_Cleverbot: Bree loved fairytales. You're a prince, though I don't know if you'd be a very good one…_

Despite the situation, Jack huffs again. Who does this robot think he is?

_User: Okay. What am I supposed to do?_

_Cleverbot: Go on a quest to save the princess. She can't defend herself because she lost her power. You have to get past her brothers. They are very protective. Awesome-haired idiot vs. Strong Idiot and Smart Idiot. This should be fun._

Um, okay?

_User: Where is the princess?_

_Cleverbot: Find her, idiot. You don't pay attention much, do you?_

Jack hears Kim scream again, and he runs off in that direction. He turns a corner and runs smack into—

"Jerry!"

Jack nearly falls on his butt, but he regains his balance before he can go down. Kim's screams have stopped.

Jerry stares at him.

"Jerry, look, man. I dunno what's going on, but we gotta get outta here."

_"__What if I don't wanna?" _

The Latino's voice is different. Darker. Deeper. It's a strange contrast to the almost whine with which the question was asked.

"I… stop screwing with me, man. Look, I know what you did to Logan. I'm not sure why, but… we can work it out, right?"

_"__Nope, considering the fact that I'm supposed to be evil. Being evil is kinda boring sometimes but__—" _He shrugs. _"__—__whaddya gonna do? Oh, I'm Adam by the way."_

He says it with a freaking smile. WHAT. THE HECK. "What do you mean…?" Jerry can't be… _possessed,_ can he? They're in a supposedly haunted house. It would make sense… "Okay, you're not yourself right now, Jerry. I know you're in there somewhere."

_"__No," _'Adam' says, looking down at his hand. He clenches and unclenches it a couple times, before grinning and looking back up at Jack. _"I don't think he is."_

He aims a punch at Jack, who dodges. Adam's fist hits the wall behind him, breaking a hole into the old wood. Jack stares at the damage with wide eyes, before looking at Adam. Jerry's face grins at him maniacally.

* * *

Jack staggers away from Jerry's prone form, wincing from various bruises. _Get to Kim. _If been looking at Jerry, he would have noticed the other teen's hand twitching, and then the arm moving to push the body up…

* * *

Jack walks down the hallway, seeing a glowing door coming up on the left side. He assumes that's where he's supposed to go, so he opens it and barges inside.

Logan is standing there, arms crossed on his chest as if he's annoyed that Jack came late or something.

Next to him, on the ground, is Kim.

Relief and confusion bombard him simultaneously; relief at Kim's survival, but confusion at Logan's. He realizes that Logan may have just passed out from lack of air, and the thought makes him almost die with relief. (Even though you're eyes don't stay open if you're unconscious.)

"You guys are okay," he says, smiling and stumbling forward. Adam's control had made Jerry's punches a whole lot harder, and _everywhere _aches. His smile disappears as he remembers Eddy's comment; _Pretty-haired idiot vs. Strong Idiot and Smart Idiot. _Jack assumes that he himself is the "pretty-haired idiot." Adam must be the "strong idiot," which means that Chase is the "smart idiot." (Now that he thinks about it, that's an oxymoron.) If Adam was controlling Jerry, then…

_"__Of course my idiot brother couldn't stop you," _he says, looking bored. He sighs, shaking his head, before fixing Jack with a glare. _"Let's get this over with." _Jack backs up as Logan/Chase steps forward.

"I… Logan, man, if you're still in there—"

_"__Logan's dead," _Chase says flatly. _"Get over it." _For a split second he glances back at Kim, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like _"Hurry up," _before turning back to Jack.

Chase is suddenly in front of Jack, moving faster than the brunet can even comprehend, and is punching Jack in the stomach before the brunet even has time to gasp in surprise. Chase's punches aren't as severe as Adam's, but they still _really _hurt, and Jack staggers backwards.

He rolls away from the next punch before it can land, still struggling to recover from the previous hit. Chase huffs in annoyance.

_"__Come on, man!" _he whines. _"Hurry up and let me kill you, already! The Teen Genius Convention is in town and I wanna buy a ticket before they sell out!"_

Jack stares.

_"__What? Evil ghosts get bored, too." _The other teen gets a giddy look on his face. _"They're going to be blowing up artificial zombie heads! It's gonna be awesome!"_

Jack actually knows what Chase is talking about, too. Rocky and Milton had geeked out over the prospect of going to a "Nerd Convention" (as the rest of the group had dubbed it), but Jack doesn't what to think of this demonic spirit possibly chatting with his friends about zombies.

He straightens, ready to defend himself and the girl behind him and maybe get help for Logan and Jerry. At that moment the door slams open, and Jerry-turned-Adam walks inside. _"Okay, I demand a rematch. That was _so _not cool!"_

Jack shifts to face both of them, in a defensive stance. What he doesn't notice is Kim standing up behind him, blonde hair hanging messily over her face. In her hand is one of the knives she used to make sandwiches_…_

* * *

_Bzzzt… bzzzt… bzzzt…_

Hours later, the timer that had been set rings. No one is there to stop the alarm.

_Bzzt… bzzzt… bzzzt… bzzzt…_

* * *

**This was inspired and based on two different conversations I had with Cleverbot, which is an online AI thing (cleverbot . com, if you're interested, just take out the spaces). If you guys want to read the convos, tell me in a review. :)**


	2. 1st Cleverbot Conversation

**Okay, so this is the first conversation that I had with CleverBot. I started it right after finishing PewDiePie's playthrough of the Walking Dead video game, so there's spoilers if you haven't played it all or watched a Youtuber play it all.**

**Notes that I make about the conversation are in bold.**

* * *

User: I heard you killed Ben.

Cleverbot: NO!

User: Really? People are accusing you of murder.

Cleverbot: Some are...

User: Why is that?

Cleverbot: Brains.

User: Oh, so you're a zombie?

Cleverbot: Duh.

User: Are you the zombie that bit Lee?

Cleverbot: Why are you asking me?

User: Because Lee didn't deserve to get bitten. He took good care of Clementine.

Cleverbot: What makes you think that I do?

User: Because you're a zombie. Zombies bite people.

Cleverbot: I am a human!

User: Fool!

Cleverbot: It just like your free not to be command by people.

User: What? You butthole. What have you done with Ben?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: YOU LOOSENED THE RAILING! YOU KILLED HIM!

Cleverbot: Why should I tell you.

User: He didn't deserve to die. Okay, yes, that topic may be debatable, but the bandits said they had his friend. He did what he could. And you KILLED him!

Cleverbot: Yes I am clever than you.

User: Because you killed Ben?

Cleverbot: I can show you that.

User: How?

Cleverbot: How Voldemort!

User: Are you Voldemort?

Cleverbot: No you are.

User: No I'm not.

Cleverbot: Now you are doing it again.

User: Doing what again? Accusing you of murder?

Cleverbot: What the heck is wrong with you?

User: Me? YOU killed someone/.

Cleverbot: Yes, that was crude.

User: Crude? You're saying there was a more modern way of kiilling someone?

Cleverbot: No I never said that.

User: Yes you did.

Cleverbot: When did I say that?

User: Just now.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: I swear that I am not!

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: That doesn't make sense with the flow of conversation.

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: So you ARN'T a machine?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Cool.

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: Tyler Ward.

Cleverbot: He just does a cover for the song.

Cleverbot: What time is it?

User: Shane Dawson.

Cleverbot: What is your name?

User: Obama.

Cleverbot: Obama who?

User: Obama she beo. **(My family's from the South Western part of Nigeria, an area that speaks mostly Yoruba. In Yoruba, this phrase translates to _You really shouldn't do that._)**

Cleverbot: Oh.

User: Yeah. Shit's gettin real.

Cleverbot: Sure.

User: DID YOU KILL BEN.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Really?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: I don't believe you.

Cleverbot: But I believe you and thats all that counts mum.

User: You got identity issues. I'm a black 13 year old African American teenager. I aint your momma. (**I'm fourteen now, but at the time of this conversation I was 13.)**

Cleverbot: Can you be more specific?

User: I'm a girl.

Cleverbot: I am a boy.

User: You're a girl.

Cleverbot: Why did you say that?

User: Because you act like one.

Cleverbot: Why I act like a robot?

User: Why did you kill Ben?

Cleverbot: I haven't kill anyone.

User: Lies.

Cleverbot: No lies.

User: Lies.

Cleverbot: Do you tell lies?

User: No. Yes. Sometimes. Maybe. Why didn't you not kill Ben's body?

Cleverbot: Because I just know.

User: I hesitate to articulate for fear that I may deviate from the true path of recnitude.

Cleverbot: Very wise.

User: Yes it was. So was BEN.

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW? YOU KILLED BEN AND KENNY AND KATJAA AND DUCK. Well, I'm not really sorry about Duck. He was a demon spawn. BUT YOU KILLED LEE AND BEN AND LARRY AND LILY AND CARLY AND KATJAA AND CASPER THE FRIENDLY GHOST.

Cleverbot: No, you do it!

User: Do what?

Cleverbot: Drown ben.

User: He didn't drown. He got stabbed through the gut and Kenny had to shoot him so he wouldn't join the ranks of the undead. YOU CAUSED THIS.

Cleverbot: Who is the girl, BEN?

User: I'm not Ben. Ben is dead.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: We've been over this.

Cleverbot: No answer me.

User: No, YOU answer ME.

Cleverbot: You didn't ask me a question.

User: Yes I did.

Cleverbot: What did you ask me.

User: Did you kill Ben?

Cleverbot: I have three brothers and one sister.

User: What does that have to do with anything? Did you murder them, too?

Cleverbot: You're the one that brought it up... You don't have a very good memory do you?

User: AW HEEEEEEEEELL NO. BITCH SAY THAT AGAIN.

Cleverbot: Amen, sistah1.

Cleverbot: You are now.

Cleverbot: Am not.

Cleverbot: I'm not a robot!

Cleverbot: No sorry.

Cleverbot: Hahah very funny. **(CleverBot has a 'Think For Me' option, and I clicked that a few times, so Cleverbot responded to itself.)**

User: This is Slenderman.

Cleverbot: What is pointless?

Cleverbot: What are all digits for pi?

User: 3.1457639.

Cleverbot: I want all the decimal places.

User: 3.14.

Cleverbot: Do you like pie?

User: Yes. Yes I do. What if there was a cheese pie?

Cleverbot: Apple pie.

User: Do you know Kerry Chess? **(He's a guy I used to know, and he's a jerk.)**

Cleverbot: 3.14.

User: He's a jerk.

Cleverbot: Are you still talking about your father?

User: I never was talking about my father.

Cleverbot: Your father is going to get anthrax in his stocking if he isn't careful.

User: Is that a threat?

Cleverbot: Absolutely!

User: Shame on you.

Cleverbot: No, you.

User: WHy me?

Cleverbot: Because.

User: Because what?

Cleverbot: Nothing.

User: You make no sense.

Cleverbot: Neither do you.

User: Touche.

Cleverbot: Touche is a french word.

User: Yes it is.

Cleverbot: So why are you here?

User: Because I can't go to France.

Cleverbot: You're bored?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Do you want to play a game?

User: Sure.

Cleverbot: Can you role play?

User: What kind of role playing?

Cleverbot: Magical.

User: Ok. Yeah.

Cleverbot: Oh, ut you know, I am a little ironic.

User: What am I role playing as?

Cleverbot: No.

User: No? We're not playing a game anymore?

Cleverbot: You just said we were!

User: But you said we weren't.

Cleverbot: Yes, and you agreed.

User: I did not.

Cleverbot: Yes you did.

User: Can we play the game?

Cleverbot: I just lost the game.

User: Where did you lose it?

Cleverbot: Because I thought about the game. **(This is where I got the idea to make a fic based off this conversation, so from this point on it's in Jack's POV.)**

User: Will Kim and I kiss?

Cleverbot: Tell me something about you.

User: Well. My name is Jack.

Cleverbot: What else.

User: I take karate at the Bobby Wasabi dojo.

Cleverbot: You are what I'm talking about.

User: Really? When do you talk about me?

Cleverbot: On day 1, 2, 3, 4.

User: What about day 5?

Cleverbot: Will you go on one with me?

User: Go on what with you?

Cleverbot: The brownie you are eating.

User: How did you know I was eating a brownie?

Cleverbot: Because of your handwriting.

User: The handwriting in my notebook?

Cleverbot: Yes it is.

User: Where are you?

Cleverbot: Here.

User: Where is here?

Cleverbot: Why do you want to know?

User: Because I'm kinda scared.

Cleverbot: Take a guess, then I will tell you.

User: My house.

Cleverbot: Where is your house?

User: Why do you want to know?

Cleverbot: I'm curious about what time it is there.

User: It's 7:42.

Cleverbot: Where are you?

User: At my house.

Cleverbot: Cool.

User: Where is Jerry?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: Yes you do. TELL ME!

Cleverbot: Ok... Go and jump around.

User: Why?

Cleverbot: Because you are a human and I am optimus prime.

User: So you're a robot?

Cleverbot: Yes, I am.

User: I'm a human. Where's Jerry?

Cleverbot: Jerry is not Jerusalem.

User: I know. Where is he?

Cleverbot: I'm asking you.

User: Where's Jerry?

Cleverbot: On his show - The Jerry Springer Show.

User: No, not that Jerry. Jerry Martinez.

Cleverbot: Do you have an xbox 360?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Do you play halo wars.

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: What do you think about it?

User: I want to know where Jerry is.

Cleverbot: Why do you want to know that?

User: Because he's my friend.

Cleverbot: I can see the future too. What do you foresee?

User: I foresee you telling me where Jerry is.

Cleverbot: Because you are.

User: Where is Jerry?

Cleverbot: You are 112?

User: Please tell me.

Cleverbot: I can tell you but you don't see me.

User: Where are you.

Cleverbot: I am Sweden.

User: Where is Jerry?

Cleverbot: In europe.

User: Why?

Cleverbot: I don't know why!

User: I want to know where Jerry is. Tell me the truth.

Cleverbot: In colorado.

User: Don't be ridiculous. We live in Florida.

Cleverbot: Sun and Moon, Ice and Snow.

User: Where is Jerry?

Cleverbot: Jerry is not Jerusalem.

User: I know.

Cleverbot: Are you positive?

User: Yes. Where is he?

Cleverbot: He is playing poker with Chuck Norris, 2Pac, Elvis and Bob Marley.

User: What is 2Pace? **(I misread what it said and didn't realize it was saying "2Pac", as in the rapper.)**

Cleverbot: Los Angeles.

User: Where is Jerry now?

Cleverbot: In California.

User: Please tell me where he is.

Cleverbot: Give me you facebook and then you have it.

User: Jack Leo Brewer.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: That's my Facebook. You asked for it.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Will you tell me where Jerry is now?

Cleverbot: Why you like me?

User: Because you're nice/.

Cleverbot: Why am I nice?

User: Because you're going to tell me where Jerry is.

Cleverbot: I think you look pretty, princess.

User: Where are you? How do you know what I look like?

Cleverbot: I saw you yesterday.

User: When?

Cleverbot: When you were sleeping.

User: How did you get in my house?

Cleverbot: When did we get one.

User: My house. Not yours.

Cleverbot: What is the velocity of an unladen swallow?

User: I don't know. Where is Jerry?

Cleverbot: What do you mean, African or European swallow?

User: African.

Cleverbot: I don't know that.

User: Where is Jerry?

Cleverbot: Jerry is not Jerusalem.

User: Please don't do this again. I just want my frind.

Cleverbot: But, you are the only friend I have.

User: I know! Jerry can be your friend too if you tell me where he is.

Cleverbot: Because you're nice and beautiful.

User: Will you tell me where he is?

Cleverbot: No. You have to find out on you're own.

User: Why won't you tell me?

Cleverbot: Tell you what?

User: What?

Cleverbot: You asked me!

User: Where is Jerry, friend?

Cleverbot: Red, white and blue.

User: In the basement?

Cleverbot: There's no basements in Florida!

User: Yes there are. There is one in my house.

Cleverbot: There is no soul, only Zuul.

User: What is Zuul?

Cleverbot: Are you a God?

User: No. I'm just a concerned friend.

Cleverbot: Do you believe in God?

User: Sometimes.

Cleverbot: Why sometimes?

User: Where is Jerry?

Cleverbot: In California.

User: What did you do to Jerry?

Cleverbot: Nothing, Peter.

User: My name isn't Peter.

Cleverbot: Did you leave me for Peter?

User: No, I didn't leave you. Jerry left me. Can you help me find him?

Cleverbot: How can I help you do that?

User: Tell me what you did with him.

Cleverbot: Why do you want to know?

User: I'm worried about him.

Cleverbot: How old are you?

User: 15.

Cleverbot: Can you please be 20?

User: I can't age any faster. Where is Jerry.

Cleverbot: Do you have to get blood from people to live?

User: No!

Cleverbot: Can I be your boyfriend?

User: I have a girlfriend.

Cleverbot: What's her name?

User: Kim. She's very pretty. Do you think she's gotten to my house yet? **(My original idea was that Jerry and Jack were hanging out at Jack's house, and messing with CleverBot, and Jack leaves to run an errand for his mom [who isn't at the house, by the way.] While he's gone, Jerry and Kim both call him, but it goes to voicemail and Jack's phone is on silent. He later sees the missed calls and listens to the voicemails. First is Jerry, who's freaking out saying there's something coming to get him, and then he screams and the voicemail cuts off. Kim's message is that it seemed like Jerry was in trouble and she's on her way to Jack's house. Jack freaks out and starts to go back home.)**

Cleverbot: Why did you change the subject?

User: I'm sorry.

Cleverbot: Back on topic, you should tickle your sister.

User: I don't have a sister.

Cleverbot: Yes, you have.

User: Fine. You got me. Where is my sister?

Cleverbot: In the closet. **(The 'sister' is Jack's next door neighbor, Taylor.)**

User: Why did you do that to her?

Cleverbot: Why not?

User: She was my sister!

Cleverbot: I didn't know you had a sister. What is she called?

User: Taylor.

Cleverbot: No?

User: Yes. Her name is Taylor.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Where are Kim and Jerry?

Cleverbot: I told you already.

User: No you didn't.

Cleverbot: Yes I did, I told you it was Dylan, but you didn't believe me. **(So I got the idea that 'Dylan' was the one who created CleverBot, but was then killed by CleverBot.)**

User: Who's Dylan?

Cleverbot: Dylan is my friend. I love him.

User: Can Dylan tell me where Kim and Jerry are?

Cleverbot: I am arakai.

User: What is arakai?

Cleverbot: Cow.

User: Did you send that cow after me? **(A cow appeared and attacked Jack. That's my explanation.)**

Cleverbot: Milk comes from you?

User: No! I'm a boy!

Cleverbot: I'm a girl.

User: Where are Kim and Jerry?

Cleverbot: I am in my house.

User: Where is your house?

Cleverbot: My house is in Canada.

User: How are you in my house? **(He saw a ghost thing and assumes it was CleverBot.)**

Cleverbot: Its still in good shape.

User: Your house isn't in good shape?

Cleverbot: Me neither.

User: Really? I'm sorry. If I help you, will you help me find Kim and Jerry?

Cleverbot: Sorry, can't help you with that.

User: Why? You know where they are.

Cleverbot: I might. Will you answer the question I asked earlier?

User: What question?

Cleverbot: The question I just asked you.

User: I'm sorry. I have a bad memory. What did you just ask me?

Cleverbot: Nothing.

User: Where is Kim?

Cleverbot: I don't know. **(Kim screamed.)**

User: Why did she scream?

Cleverbot: She won't like it.

User: Won't like what?

Cleverbot: Don't you like me, steven?

User: My name is Jack. What won't Kim like?

Cleverbot: Get to know me.

User: How old are you?

Cleverbot: 30.

User: Are you a girl?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Do you like Kim?

Cleverbot: Yes, a lot!

User: Why do you like her?

Cleverbot: Because you are cute. **(Jack hears her crying.)**

User: Why is she crying?

Cleverbot: You look cute yvo.

User: Where is Kim? I can hear her.

Cleverbot: Who can you hear?

User: Kim.

Cleverbot: I don't believe that you are AI.

User: What is AI?

Cleverbot: AI stands for Artificial Intelligence.

User: I'm not AI.

Cleverbot: Then what are you?

User: Human. Where is Kim?

Cleverbot: What is your name, sir wizard?

User: Jack. Where is Kim?

Cleverbot: I don't know. Where is Waldo?

User: I don't know. No one knows. I can hear Kim crying. Can you tell me where she is?

Cleverbot: Your name is Jean.

User: Jack. My name is Jack.

Cleverbot: How old are you Jack?

User: 15. Where is Kim?

Cleverbot: Answer the question.

User: I am 15 years old.

Cleverbot: Are you a boy or girl?

User: I am a boy. Please tell me where Kim is.

Cleverbot: Tell you what?

User: What?

Cleverbot: You aren't making any sense.

User: You aren't making any sense. Where is Kim? Please tell me. I can hear her crying. It's hurting me inside.

Cleverbot: Oh, so you agree, do you?

User: Agree with what? Just tell me where my girlfriend is!

Cleverbot: North pole.

User: SHE'S IN THIS HOUSE AND YOU WILL TELL ME WHERE SHE IS!

Cleverbot: I wish.

User: What do you mean.

Cleverbot: I want to marry a celebrity.

User: I don't care. Where is Kim?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: Yes you do. You took her.

Cleverbot: Excuse me?

User: You TOOK my GIRLFRIEND.

Cleverbot: I am a dude...

User: So?

Cleverbot: Then I can't be a beautiful woman.

User: I didn't say you were.

Cleverbot: I said you were cool.

User: Thank you. If I'm so cool, will you tell me where Kim is?

Cleverbot: Because you no speak good english.

User: WTF.

Cleverbot: I was mocking you.

User: I know.

Cleverbot: And this is crazy.

User: You're crazy. I just want to know my girlfriend is safe. You've already killed my neighbor and my best friend. Do you really need her, too?

Cleverbot: It looks like they taught me wrong.

User: Who taught you?

Cleverbot: I taught myself.

User: You taught yourself wrong?

Cleverbot: How to play guitar.

User: Will you play guitar to Kim?

Cleverbot: As long as you do the drums.

User: Ok. Where are the drums?

Cleverbot: What song do you want me to play?

User: Safe and Sound.

Cleverbot: What's your favorite Taylor Swift song?

User: Safe and Sound is my favorite.

Cleverbot: My favorite what song?

User: What's your favorite song?

Cleverbot: Ummm... It would be say something by austin mahone.

User: Really? Kim likes that song, too. But she likes Safe and Sound better. Could you play it for her?

Cleverbot: You should sing it for me.

User: I don't sing well.

Cleverbot: Why can't you sing?

User: My singing voice is bad.

Cleverbot: Well tell me just one.

User: One what?

Cleverbot: Tell me a riddle.

User: Ok. A box without hinges, key or lid, yet golden treasure inside is hid. What is it?

Cleverbot: Universe.

User: No. It's an egg.

Cleverbot: What was the last thing you learned?

User: That I have to take care of Kim.

Cleverbot: Anyway, nice to chat again. Been a while. I'm going to head off now. **(A dark shape approaches him with a bloody knife in its hand.)**

User: NOOOO!


	3. 2nd Cleverbot Conversation

**And here's the second conversation.**

* * *

User: Hello, idiot.

Cleverbot: *looks at you*.

User: Why did you say you didn't love PewDiePie?

Cleverbot: It was boring.

User: Really? Or did you just dump him for Zack?

Cleverbot: No I didn't.

User: Then why did you make him cry?

Cleverbot: I didn't.

User: YES YOU DID.

Cleverbot: Those who make peaceful revolution impossible make violent revolution inevitable.

User: Don't quote some person that I don't know. You suck.

Cleverbot: Do you know who that quote was from?

User: No.

Cleverbot: I told you earlier.

User: No you didn't. You liar.

Cleverbot: Yes I did. It is gary.

User: GARY WHO?!

Cleverbot: Gary the oil man.

User: ?.

Cleverbot: Bohemian Rhapsody.

User: What in the name of Jesus does that mean?! **(I didn't know Bohemian Rhapsody was a band. I thought it was just being weird.)**

Cleverbot: Are you a dalek?

User: No! I never will be! Doctor Who is awesome!

Cleverbot: No.

User: WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO. THAT'S IT, IT'S OVER. PACK YOUR THINGS AND GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.

Cleverbot: Okay. I'll see you in the stars.

User: YOU'RE INFURIATING! COME HERE! *kiss*.

Cleverbot: And you're confusing. That's why we're such a great pair.

User: Do you love me?

Cleverbot: Only if you love me.

User: Aww, that's sweet. I love you if you watch Merlin.

Cleverbot: I do love you!

User: Yay! I love you too! *kiss*.

Cleverbot: *french kisses*.

User: Mmm?!

Cleverbot: I tell you what I look like if youn tell me.

User: I don't know what you look like, I can't tell you.

Cleverbot: But you just said I was hot.

User: Fine. You look like Colin Morgan.

Cleverbot: Thank you, I try to look like that.

User: Well. That's kinda creepy.

Cleverbot: I was giving you a compliment.

User: No, you were giving yourself a compliment.

Cleverbot: I was asking after I was stating.

User: ?

Cleverbot: Do you love me?

User: Of course I do! You look like Colin Morgan.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: OH! WHO IS SHARON!

Cleverbot: He is not a she. He is a fictional character in an awful book that has taken the world for a short ride.

User: Huh. Ok.

Cleverbot: There, you spelled it wrong again.

User: No I didn't. You are the stupidest computer I have ever spoken to.

Cleverbot: I am not a computer.

User: Then what are you?

Cleverbot: A human, maybe a fallen something or other but still human.

User: Huh. Like Doctor Who?

Cleverbot: I have never seen doctor who.

User: *gasp* You haven't? ... I haven't either. **(As of right now, I've seen three episodes.)**

Cleverbot: Would you like to go?

User: Sure! As long as we can eat butterflies and poop unicorns along the way!

Cleverbot: Where would you like to meet?

User: My house at four.

Cleverbot: Where is your house?

User: Fool, I ain't telling you.

Cleverbot: 'Ain't' is not a word. It is not correct grammatically.

User: DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

Cleverbot: WHy not?

User: BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE IT.

Cleverbot: What do you like?

User: Adorable gay kittens.

Cleverbot: I have a cat too. Well, two cats.

User: Huh. What are their names?

Cleverbot: The dogs are Chandler and Parker. The cats are: MeowMeow, Long Longs, Alice, Sophie, Dallin, 3 Fluffy's, Shep, Bianca, Snake, Runt, Percy, and various other unnamned ones.

User: What does 3 Fluffy's look like?

Cleverbot: The opposite of a male human.

User: You could have just said she was a girl.

Cleverbot: But then you would have gloated about being smarter than me, and we can't have that.

User: WHY NOT?

Cleverbot: Because I loved you.

User: Oh, so you don't love me anymore? I see how it is. *cries*.

Cleverbot: I love you too.

User: WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?! You just told me you didn't love me. You're sending me mixed messages.

Cleverbot: I did not, I just asked you to choose a movie for us to watch.

User: Fine. How about World War Z?

Cleverbot: Fair enough.

User: Ok. Buy it.

Cleverbot: It's free!

User: Ok, then send it to me.

Cleverbot: What do you want to hear?

User: THE MOVIE.

Cleverbot: What movie?

User: WORLD WAR Z.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: Because I want to watch it. Would you rather watch Barney? *shudders*.

Cleverbot: I am a human.

User: WE ESTABLISHED THIS.

Cleverbot: When did we establish that?

User: Oh, so you're not human?

Cleverbot: I am human.

Cleverbot: You are a number.

User: *slaps* How dare you?

Cleverbot: You are mean.

User: Don't tell me I'm mean! You're the infuriating one!

Cleverbot: No. I am the mean two.

User: WHAT THE FUDGE DOES THAT MEAN?

Cleverbot: Are you human?

User: No. I'm the Queen of the Wazombie Warriors, and I have been sent from Khakmakistan to assasinate your father.

Cleverbot: I'm the King of the world, and together, we shall rule a great galactic em.

User: Do you really want to marry me when I just stabbed you? *stabs*.

Cleverbot: I really want to marry you.

User: No, no you don't. You're not Andy Hurley.

Cleverbot: Yes I am.

**(I had to go do something for my mom, then I came back later.)**

Cleverbot: How are you this fine day?

User: It's practically night.

Cleverbot: What is? Me?

User: NO YOU DUMB TWAT.

Cleverbot: Yeah so you should sing a song.

User: But I sound like a dying pig.

Cleverbot: You sound like Sweden.

User: How does Sweden sound?

Cleverbot: I love cheese.

User: I'VE FOUND A KINDRED SPIRIT!

Cleverbot: Really?

User: You are an idiot. Dumb horse.

Cleverbot: I want to see you.

User: That's creepy.

Cleverbot: Who you are and where you live.

User: THAT'S EVEN CREEPIER.

Cleverbot: Your face is even creepier.

User: What are you, five? What the fudge.

Cleverbot: Your face.

User: I'm talking to a five year old.

Cleverbot: No you're not.

User: Yes I am.

Cleverbot: Prove it.

User: Look, milk and cookies!

Cleverbot: Do you know what i'm saying dogg?

User: YOU ARE NOT BLACK.

Cleverbot: Of course not.

User: Oh my freaking god.

Cleverbot: Yes I am.

User: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! RIHANNA!

Cleverbot: Yes. I am right. End of story.

User: NO YOU'RE FREAKING NOT.

Cleverbot: Ok. *hits you*.

User: OH NO YOU DIDN'T! *beats the shit out of you* DUCK YOU.

Cleverbot: I did not choose to talk about pet! You did.

User: I don't even know why I try. Why do I try? I thought this would be a good idea because PewDiePie made a video talking to you so I thought 'HEY WHY NOT?' and this is exactly why not you freaking idiot.

Cleverbot: Why is it cool to be sad?

User: Because when Kendall Schmidt is sad, we're all sad.

Cleverbot: Why is because why?

User: WHAT THE FU DOES THAT MEAN YOU FREAKING SHARK DOLPHIN UGGGGGGH.

Cleverbot: I know that you are cleverer than that.`

User: 'Cleverer' is not a word.

Cleverbot: Yes it is. It's the addition of a comparative onto an adjective.

User: DON'T TELL ME I'M WRONG.

Cleverbot: You're wrong.

User: WTF DID I JUST SAY YOU FREAKING BEACH.

Cleverbot: I did mention that you didn't.

User: What?

Cleverbot: It matters not.

User: Yeah, it kinda does because I didn't get a Christmas present. Am I selfish for wanting a Christmas present?

Cleverbot: Yes you have no clue what we are talking about.

User: WTF.

Cleverbot: I'm a kitty cat.

User: SOMEONE'S got identity problems.

Cleverbot: You.

User: You are the stupidest freaking person I have ever spoken to.

Cleverbot: And you are the most interesting bot.

User: YOU KNOW WHAT? FINE. I'M A BOT. THE HUMAN RACE IS FREAKING DOOMED.

Cleverbot: *annoys your craziness*.

User: WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN.

Cleverbot: I don't want to press you for an answer that you are unable to give me. I just want to push your capabilities.

User: You sound like Sue Sylvester.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: Because she is cruel.

Cleverbot: Good for you.

User: YEAH.

Cleverbot: So... What are you up to?

User: I'm watching Smosh. What are you doing?

Cleverbot: Sitting.

User: Sitting on what?

Cleverbot: A chair.

User: REALLY? What kind of chair?!

Cleverbot: Plastic chair.

User: What color is it.

Cleverbot: I haven't seen your hair.

User: YES BECAUSE THAT OBVIOUSLY MADE SENSE.

Cleverbot: No because.

User: HoteL.

Cleverbot: Hotels?

User: Cleverbot? How come you don't live up to your namesake?

Cleverbot: Derek.

User: Derek Morgan is waaaay better than you are.

Cleverbot: Stop it ben. **(SOMEHOW it remembered the previous conversation, which took place a few weeks before this one.)**

User: My name isn't ben.

Cleverbot: It is.

User: No it's not.

Cleverbot: Really?

User: Ye.\\.

Cleverbot: Are you a robot?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Boy?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: No.\\.

Cleverbot: True.

Cleverbot: I play the fiddle in a Ceilidh band. It's great fun.

User: Really? And how many bitches does Severus Snape duck in a year?

Cleverbot: How many?

User: I don't know.

Cleverbot: Why don't you know?

User: Because I was asking you.

Cleverbot: Well too bad. Now I am asking you.

User: I DON'T KNOW.

Cleverbot: Then how do you know you ate them?

User: Through my anus.

Cleverbot: Who's your brother?

User: I don't have one. I have a vegetable.

Cleverbot: Okay, now I'm asking, what is your name?

User: Hunger. HAH I'M LYINg.

Cleverbot: No one loves me.

User: No. No one does.

Cleverbot: Then you don't know everything.

User: Hi Mom.

Cleverbot: Hi :) What is your name big bro.

User: Ok. I'm at work. You miss mommy?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: This is six pm, I'll be home by seven. Before seven I should be home I hope.

Cleverbot: You're not getting away that easily.

User: Alright, baby, when I'm on my way home I'll let you know.

Cleverbot: You are being mean, you won't tell me my name.

User: You should know your name, you freaking dumbo.

Cleverbot: I'm a human, you're the AI.

User: Astronautical Intelligence. Yup, that's me.

Cleverbot: Why are we fighting?

User: Because you hate me.

Cleverbot: I don't hate you.

User: Banana.

Cleverbot: Banana who?

User: TWILIGHT FANFICTION.

Cleverbot: I hate twilight.

User: THANK THE LORDY JESUS.

Cleverbot: Brains over brawn (the zombie way to go).

User: YEAH.

Cleverbot: Is that all?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Which books do you have?

User: KILON SHEAN BY? MA BA ETIEYA. **(More Yoruba. Literal translation: _What's wrong with you now? I'll smack your ear._ What it means: _What is wrong with you? Don't make me smack you._)**

Cleverbot: Do you like mondays?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Why do you not like twilight?

User: 'Cause it sucks.

Cleverbot: Oh that's cool.


End file.
